


Summer Vacation! Yurio!!! on Holiday!

by olosta



Series: Disasters are not funny (or are they?) [6]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Comedy, Humor, Innuendo, M/M, T for swearing, Yuri's foul mouth, Yuutopia Akatsuki, the closet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 12:13:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15885822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olosta/pseuds/olosta
Summary: Yuri is spending a precious part of his summer holiday in... Yuutopia. With Victor and Yuuri present. What could go wrong... nothing you say? NOTHING??? HAAAA????





	Summer Vacation! Yurio!!! on Holiday!

**Author's Note:**

> oh, a Yurio centric fic from me? What ho! (but don't worry, there is comedy aplenty ahead. Dig in!)

_Why I am here again?_ Yuri Plisetsky thinks as he peels open his sleep-encrusted eyes in the warm and slightly stuffy darkness. Why does he have to sleep again in the tiny closet next to the banquet room? Right, because of that bouncy Thai skater who just had to come to Hasetsu at the same time as Yuri and who got to sleep in katsudon's old room just because he came first. Yuri groans; not only is there not nearly enough air in here, but something has woken hip up too damn early: a suspicious sound or a cry has woken him up, he is sure of it. He perks up a bit, and listens.

Unfortunately, it seems that his worst nightmare came into existence. There's a shuffling sound, a semi-loud _"oh"_ , and a periodical, although irregular thumping reaches Yuri's poor ears. Then the voices speak up and to his horror, Yuri can understand what is said. It goes like this:

_"Yuuri, you have to lean in deeper."_  
_"Victor, I can't."_

Yuri sits up abruptly on the bed, muttering: "What the fuck?" Perhaps he had just misheard. They wouldn't dare... not when they very well know he is in the closet...

 _"But Yuu-uri, I'm sure you can, you just have to stretch out properly."_  
_"I'm trying!_ "

...would they?

_"Ah, almost there!"_  
_"Victor, don't squeeze, it hurts!"_

They're really doing it, Yuri thinks as he shoots up from his bed. He is about to storm into the bedroom proper; he takes a huge breath preparing to yell at those two stupid, indecent, perverted old men, when he freezes with his hand on the shoji door.

 _"Harder, Yuuri!"_ Victor cries, and his voice is followed by a thumping with a renewed vigour.

Yuri cannot go in there right now, he just can't. He wouldn't be able to look his grandfather in the eye any more if he saw the things he is hearing right now. Yuri thinks about his poor mental health and curses the hamster boy in his mind. He is so going to make him sleep here tomorrow; Phichitt can listen to his stupid pig of a friend having sex all night, for all Yuri cares, there's no way he will stay in the closet for another night!

There is a frustrated groan from Yuuri, probably. His next words confirm it:  
_"Daaamn, I still can't reach it!"_

A similarly agitated Victor answers:  
_"Try changing the angle, then. Ah, you almost hit it!"_

When Yuuri speaks again, there is a certain whining quality to his voice:

_"Ah, mou, I can't any more, I'm tired."_  
_"Yuuri, and I thought your stamina was good off the ice too."_  
_"I just can't."_  
_"You really shouldn't be the one complaining, you know? You're heavy! No more katsudon for you from now on."_  
_"Victor!"_

The thumping ceases and Yuri perks up. Now or never; he is going to storm into that room and yell off their heads! But he hesitates for a second and the moment is lost. Victor speaks up again.

_"No, Yuuri, you can't leave it like that. It will creep up on us when we sleep, and it will hunt us forever. You have to finish it properly!!!"_

There is a mighty groan, and then a couple of thumps.  
_"Yes, Yuuri, yes! Right there!!"_  
_"Victor, hold still."_  
_"AH! YES!"_

With a last mighty thud, the thumping stops for good, followed by a whine.  
_"Yuuriiiii, you made a mess."_

That's it! With a mental apology to grandpa, Yuri wrenches open the door, taking a deep breath, and is about to start screaming, but the profanities get stuck in his throat when he sees the following scene in front of him:

Both Victor and Yuuri are fully clothed; Victor wearing his green jinbei and Yuuri a blue, striped yukata. They are also not in bed, but in the corner of the room. Yuuri is hoisted up in Victor's arms, holding a short hand held broom in his outstretched hand, the end of which looks a bit... messy. With his other hand, he holds onto the wall. There is something dark stuck near the upper corner of the room. They booth look at Yuri who finally finds his tongue: "What the fuck?"

"Ah, did we wake you up, Yurio? Sorry," Victor's mouth stretches into that idiotic smile of his. "See, there was a cockroach," he adds, nodding his head towards the dark stain, as if that explaines everything. Oh well, actually, it does.

"A cockroach... " Yuri says. "You hunted a cockroach." He cackles. "And I thought you were going at it– " he cuts himself off abruptly. Enough damage done to his poor ears.

"Going at what–" Yuuri starts, wobbling slightly in Victor's arms, who understands immediately and starts to giggle. Then Yuuri catches up as well and his face first pales then flushes. "Oh. No, no no no no, how could you think we would, with you next door, oh my god... Victor, let me down! Ah!"  
Both of the silly men tumble down on a heap, the broom flying out of Yuuri's hand and ending at Yuri's feet. There's indeed something stuck on the handle's end that Yuri has no wish to examine closer.

"Yuck," he exclaims, kicking the broom towards the couple. "You're disgusting, both of you!" he says, glaring at the men sprawled on the ground. Then he turns to leave the room.

"Tell Mari we caught a cockroach if you meet her. They mustn't get to the kitchens, otherwise we'll have a real problem," he hears Yuuri's voice calling after him as he walks down the corridor.

"Fuck you," he snarls back as he tramples down the stairs.

"Language, Yurio!" drifts to him faintly from the distance in Victor's voice.

 _Why am I here again_ , Yuri thinks as rounds the corner.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [tumblr ](https://dreamaginarium.tumblr.com) (various stuff)  
> or [ twitter](https://twitter.com/olosta_writes) (Yoi centric)


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